The Half-Blood Prince
by Amanda Southgate
Summary: This is Severus Snape's story, before Hogwarts. It shall end with Lilian Potter's death. All the rights are reverved on our queen, J.K Rowling.
1. Chapter 1 to 6

The Half-Blood Prince

I

She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Even a cold heart as mine could feel the electrical warm current of love seizing full control. I will never forget her rebel red hair dancing with the wind while she ran and hopped down the heights. I could see something different about her, somehow, she wasn't like all the other people. She wasn't a muggle, of course. She was one, like me. She was a witch. A beautiful and well talented witch. It took me a good time to introduce me for her; I was a really introverted kid. I had no friends. I had no companion. I had no social skills, no beautiful and large smile. I had nothing. And she had the rays of the sun in her smile. She had happiness, and I guess I felt first for it.

Every summer afternoon, she and her sister, a muggle, used to play in a park, near Spinner's End, in Cokeworth. By the way, a park near my house. What a disgusting place was that, my house. So cold and blue, without any kind of attractive for a kid… Or any human being. I never had much attention from my muggle father, he was very aggressive with me and with my mother. A man of few words and no heart, I my very personal opinion. Since I can remember, I spent a great part of the day inside my bedroom, reading and doing nothing. My mother used to tell me, sometimes, something about my future school, Hogwarts. She said that I would be there the whole year and just come back home for summer holidays.

Honestly, I can't tell if I was very upset with that new: my mother was as cold as my father was. I think she didn't really loved me. Maybe, if I could have made my father proud of me for any reason, maybe she would love me. Maybe if I were a muggle like him… But that's something that I can't tell.

When I was by the age of eight, I used to lock in my room, so I wouldn't listen my parents quarrel, but that day, they were enforcing to have their voices listened by the world. I had no options; I closed my book and jumped the window. I slide on the roof and climbed down a pipe, then my feet reached the ground. I followed to the park, where I knew I was going to see her again.

And there she was, shining like a star, and being so happy. I could hear that sweet girlie voice echoing through the field: "Look, Tunia, what I learned!" Then, she took a little blossom and positioned it in the center of her hand. Suddenly the little blossom was flying on the air, spinning. To each weave, a petal bloomed. A beautiful spell, very, very touching, I would say.

To my absolute surprise, the muggle girl pushed her hand saying: "You are a freak Lilly! You are a freak!" I thought she was really going to cry, so I couldn't avoid myself behind the tree I was watching, and I said: "She is not a freak!"

The muggle looked really afraid, and ran away shouting "I am going to tell mom!" When she turned back to face me I could see her green eyes were curious staring at me. "You are not that. A freak." I affirmed, taking a blossom and making it bloom on my hand just like she did minutes before. "You are special. You are a witch." She glanced admired at my hand and then, back at my eyes. "I am Lily. Lily Evans. Who are you?" "I am Severus. Severus Snape".

II

Since we first met, we were always seeing each other. A great part of time she went to the park alone, without the muggle girl. Lily didn't know much about the wizard world, to be honest, neither did I, but the few knowledge I had she wanted so bad. We spent afternoons long talking about Hogwarts, spells, Diagon Alley (I've been there once then, with my mother), and all the kind of things.

"Why can't my sister do these things, like me?" she questioned curiously. "Because she is a muggle" "Don't be so rude, Sev" she laughed. "But that's true. This is how we call non-magical people" "I think it is very rude" she replied. "It's not. There are really bad… hum… Things that can offend a wizard" "Really?" she asked turning to stare my eyes.

God, I wasn't prepared to face her so suddenly… I wasn't habituated with those green eyes, as green as shining and precious emeralds, flabbergasted with any new information about that whole new world. "Yes, there are" I said avoiding to look at her "Could you tell me them?" she asked with a malicious smile. "No Lily, we can't say bad words. What would our parents say?..." But she positioned her body in front of mine, and held my shoulders with her hands, shaking them softly. "Oh, please, please Sev! I promise I will never tell anyone about it! Please, please!" I tried to push her; softly I put my hands on her arms, near her elbow. It was like touching the most pure silk, I would never forget about that. "Ok Lily. I tell you one, if you tell me one too" I provoked. She opened her eyes "Me? But I don't know how to offend a wizard Sev…" "But I bet you know how to offend a muggle" "I never offended anyone, Sev. I am a lady" She said smiling. "Well, I knew a young sweet girl like you wouldn't know any name calling…" I provoked turning and giving her my back.

For my surprise, Lilly ran and stopped in front of me again. Her eyes were angry, provocative, and I could swear they were darker. She approached herself to my body, pressing her body against mine. She stood on tiptoes and whispered in my ear "Bitch" Then, she glanced my eyes back, with an evil smile on her face, than she stood back on her tiptoe and said in my other ear "Fuck"

I got red, green, purple; I think I got all the rainbow colors together. She laughed and said "Don't be ashamed, Sev. You are rosy!" I could barely breathe, but I had to say something "Ok Lily. I am going to tell you the worst name you can call a wizard. It is so bad, but so bad that a wizard may kill you if you dare…" She jumped and held me again, but my knees were weak, so we fell down on the grass, both laughing a lot. So, I put her hair apart and getting close to her ear, I whispered "mudblood". I felt a little back, because mudblood was really offensive, and not a bit attractive as hers two names.

She sat beside me "What does it mean?" How to explain a mudblood that she was a mudblood? Hard. "Well, it is when a muggle-born turns into a wizard. He or she doesn't have any previous magical bloodline. It is very prejudiced" "So I am a mudblood?" I gasped "No, no, no Lily! You are very sweet and nice, and…" "And my parents are muggles." "Lily, please, I…" "Why are oyu nervous, Sev? I am not upset with you. I asked to know a bad word, and you gave it to me. You are a good friend, Sev." Then, she kissed my cheek. "I need to go, it is late, my parents will be upset if I get home late. Bye-bye Sev, and remember, this is our secret!"

I cannot say how I arrived home that afternoon.

III

It is important to say that I, when had the opportunity, used to visit Lily every so often. Actually, I spied her house. I walked the entire Spinner's End down and there I could see the Evan's house. I honestly don't know if she was rich, but for sure, she wasn't poor. The Evans looked very happy, they always had food on the table, and Mister Evans looked like an honored man. I never knew his occupation, nor much about him, but if I had the opportunity to meet him, we would be great friends. He was very gentle with Lily and the other muggle girl (the same who was with Lily that very first time I talked to her. I discovered later she was her sister, Petunia) Miss Evans, well, she was a mother, and nothing else to say.

I mean, she was comprehensive, gentle, polite, worried about the girls, all the opposite of my own mother. My mother never gave me any kind of affection demonstration, and this is her biggest sin. I don't know what kind of son she was expecting, taller, smarter, normal… But she always made a point clear: It wasn't me.

I used to stay by their window, spying, until the bedtime. I watched silently the young Lily fall asleep, and then I came back my own house. And it was a great drama: come back to my poor, unattractive and miserable house. My house was old, and since I can remember, there was a whole in the ceiling. My room smelled like mold what developed some breathing problems. I knew I would never ever invite Lily.

When I arrived, I could listen my parents arguing. I followed my way to bedroom, and there I kneeled and cried. Silently and alone in the dark, where nobody could see. My parent's voices disappeared in the dark, and I remembered the Evans house, imagining how sweet that would be if I could make part of that world, at least once.

The sun didn't wake me up that morning. That morning my father woke me up. I don't remember how I felt when the belt violently touched my back, but I remember it hurt so bad. I wanted at least understand why. My mother tried to stop him, but he was stronger. He hit my mother on her face. I remember his thunder voice echoing "You are a bitch, and you, not more than a little girl! You are nothing, nothing! You heard me? Did you fucking hear me?" "Yes, daddy" "So repeat what I said!" Tremulous, I stood up and said softly "_I am nothing_".

When he left, I tried to help my mom, who avoided any kind of help. That day, she looked at my face, and with a tissue, she cleaned the blood off my face. My nose was broken, I knew that. So, she took her wand, and that was the very first time I saw magic, adult magic, in my life. Flabbergasted with that scene, she made me promise that I would never tell my father about that. She pointed the want to my nose and whispered: "Episkey". I heard some two or three cracks, and then, no more pain. My mother smiled and said, caressing my face "You are a good boy, Severus".

"Really, Sev?" said Lily. I nodded and she covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, poor thing!" she said holding me. "I don't care Lily. He can't hurt me any longer." "You know what? You are a prince, Severus!" I laughed "Am I what?" "A prince! And a really good one!" I laughed again "Repeat it, Sev! Repeat it!" "I... can't" "Sev, please!" She said joining hands "I am a prince" She smiled "Yes, you are! And I am a princess, right?" "Right" She ran to her house shaking hands "Bye bye Sev. I am a princess!"

Watching her radiant hair moving, I whispered "Yes, you are a princess Lily Evans… And I am your half blood prince"

IV

Sunday arrived, and, for my surprise, a letter too. "That is uncommon… Does the postman work on Sunday?" said my father. I took the plates and glasses off the table, and put on the sink, to wash them. Suddenly, I heard my father screaming "Severus! Come here!"

I followed to our living room, poor with poor furniture and without many colors. My father was sat on an old armchair holding a piece of paper. My mother was astonished, and I was afraid as never. He glanced me and said "Read it"

"Dear Mister Snape, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July…"

"List of books? What the hell does it mean?" "He needs to buy books to go to school…" "What? I have to spend money with him? Buying stupid books? It's not serious is it? We barely have to eat, and now, because he is a freak abomination like you, I have to buy…"

Exploding into a desperate angry, he hit my face, two or three times. "If you want some money, you'd better work to gain your own!" "Stop it! Stop it" screamed my mother. I just wanted him to stop, I just wanted to have the chance to go away to the park, with Lily, and lay down upon the green grass. I wished that. I wished. "You are a fucking nothing, freak!" "No, I am not…" I whispered between the kicks he gave me. Lily's voice echoing in my mind "You are a prince, Sev! Repeat! Please Sev!" "I am the half blood prince" I said loud.

My father's hand froze on air. He couldn't move, he couldn't hit me again. "What did you do? Revert it!" But I ran away, as fast as I could. Maybe spend a whole year at school wasn't that bad. It was raining, and I knew Lily wouldn't appear, but even knowing that, I waited for her in the park. The rain seemed to burn my injuries, and clean my tears. "_You are a good boy, Severus_"

I walked to Lily's house, through the window I could see: upon the table a letter, and the Evans happy, holding Lily and kissing her cheeks. They were celebrating what she was. They were happy. My tears grew stronger than ever. I wanted to break the window's glass and heat myself near the fire place. I wanted to make part of that family. I wanted to be loved. Before I completely blackout, I could swear I saw Lily's green eyes looking at me. I fell on the wet, cold floor, and there stayed, covered with tears, blood and rain's water.

I had some flashbacks. I remembered Lily's voice saying my name, and crying near my bed. I remembered Tunia saying I was a freak and Lily arguing "He is like me!" I remembered Lily's crying eyes, praying for me "Please, be good, Sev, please be good!"

I woke up in a pink bedroom. The sun seemed to be hotter there. There were some cartoons near my bed. Some of them had names. A thin, pale boy, with black hair and a crown on his head. A redhead girl, with a pink dress. Upon their heads, two names flouting: "Prince and Princess"  
The door opened and a beautiful woman, with red hair and green eyes entered in the room. She had milk and cookies with her "Good morning, Severus" I didn't say a word "I am Lily's mother, Miss Evans. Do you feel better?" I nodded and she smiled. She was as pretty as Lily "Dear, don't be afraid. We're not going to hurt you" She said caressing my hand. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" I didn't answer. "I understand. Well, maybe you want to see Lily. She was really worried about you…" Lily entered in the room, and I couldn't avoid a smile. "Severus! You are wake!" Her mother let the room, leaving the door opened. "Sev, I was so worried about you! Look, this is my room! You are sleeping on my bed! And I put all my favorite dolls there, to watch you!" I laughed "Dolls?" "Yes! They defend you from the monsters while you sleep! They protected you!" "C'mon Lily, they're dolls. It would be better a sword…"

We talked for some minutes, and she said she received the Hogwarts letter. "Do you believe it? We are going to study together, isn't it awesome?" I felt a pain in my heart. "Yes, I… I received mine too…" Lily caressed my hand and she said "That's why you are hurt?" I nodded. "Poor thing… Poor thing…" She whispered holding my shoulders. "My father doesn't want to spend money with my school material. I think this is it… I paralyzed his hand, and escaped from home… I am sorry for bothering your mommy…" Lily smiled "You are bothering anyone, Sev… You are my best friend!"

I spent the day with the Evans family, they were really nice, and my shyness didn't bother me. Except by Petunia, who was a very disgusting and boring girl. Someone knocked the door, and I heard a very familiar voice "Excuse me; I am looking for my son, Severus. I know he is here" I felt a chill on my back and a little nauseated… "Hi, I am Lily's mother. We sheltered him in our house, last night he was walking on the streets alone and very injured…" "I don't own you explanations" my mother said "I am here to take what is mine" "But your son shows symptoms of parents' abuse. We could denounce you two…" My mother smiled and took her wand. I jumped from the chair and said "No, mommy! I'll go with you!" I ran to her and she put her hand on my head. "There are some memories we should forget, right Severus?" She pointed her want to Miss Evans nose and whispered: "_Obliviate_"

All the Evans looked to be daydreaming, looking nowhere. Then my mother smiled and said "Thank you Miss Evans, now Severus needs to go home. I hope soon he can see your daughter again, he will be always allowed to sleep here" Miss Evans smiled and said "Oh, sure, I really hope they can see each other again. He is a good boy. Severus. He is a good boy."

V

I don't have to say I was astonished with all that. My mother had charmed Miss Evans? I was just a frightened kid, a boy of 11 who barely could say "hi" to a strange. All my complexes started at home. My mother took me to the Diagon Alley, to buy my school material. My books? They were used. The only new thing I had was my uniform. The greatest part was the Olivanders. "The wand chooses the wizard", he said. God, once in my life I would be chosen. My wand was special, and also the most expensive material I had "13 ¾ inches, unknown wood and core material... A very special one, to a very special one" said Olivanders with a yellow smile.

I really enjoyed leaving my poor home to become a Hogwarts student. Lily and I went together to the King's cross to take the train. There I met three new students: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and James Potter. And it was very hostile. James was very handsome, that black untidy hair was a charm, and he had hazel eyes. If Lily had a fancy for him, what chance would I have?

There I had the first impressions of what my school years expected for: humiliation, pain and revolt. They were talking about the houses and I said that Gryffindor was for the ones who preferred muscles to brains. "And where do you think the Sorting hat is going to put you, if you don't have any of them?" Everybody laughed. I felt abused, exposed… But Lily was there "What an idiot" she said closing the door. "Hey, Sev, don't care about them. I think you are very smart…" "Do you?" "Yes, I am sure. Everything I know about wizardry I own you"

This was a particular characteristic of Lilian Evans: she could see inside our soul, even when we couldn't see it. She was courageous, brave, and she would always be there for a friend. She was… "Gryffindor", screamed the Sorting hat.

"Snape, Severus" exclaimed Professor Mcgonagall "Snape, Snivillus", I heard Potter. I was introverted, but I had some talent with wizardry. I wanted to be great, and show that I was capable to be something amazing. I was half-blood but always had my proud living and burning inside of me. I was… "Slytherin"

A chill followed through my back. Slytherin was well known because it was the pure blood house. There was only one wizard who belonged to Slytherin and wasn't pure blood: Voldemort. This information made me feel powerful, because even being evil, he was a half-blood, and I belonged to his house. Just great wizards belonged here.

There I met some people. I can't say we were friends, but sometimes we talked. They were Mulciber, Avery and a young girl, who I discovered later that had affections for me: Bellatrix.

It was very much sad to say good night to Lily, and see her disappearing into the night with that arrogant Potter boy. I knew later that he wasn't just handsome, he was also very rich. He lived in a noble neighborhood, Godric's Hollow. He was rich, handsome and popular. I was poor, not really attractive and without any social skill.

The only thing I had on my favor was my brain. James wasn't very… Smart. He was not a complete ass, I have to admit, but the he had not my high grades. Intelligence can be used as a charm too, and that was something that I knew how to use.

I was a first year student, but I had knowledge of second and third years spells. Of course, all this interest about academic life revolved around her. Lily really appreciated intelligence, more than James Quidditch talent. What pleased her more was a good and kind heart, and if he knew it sooner, sooner he would have her with him.

VI

School years passed fast, and I have some important memories about them. For example, how my friendship with the future Death Eaters started. To simplify everything in a phrase: they were nice to me. In their way, of course, but they never called me half-blood (and they could do so) they never called me "Snivillus" (and they could do so). They knew I was poor, and they could bully me for that. But they really respected my intelligence. That is something very Slytherian, any other person has this kind of admiration for intelligence. And I am sorry the Aurors, but the Dark Lord never accepted a stupid wizard with him. Even to serve the Evil you must have knowledge.

In an autumn afternoon, I saw Bellatrix sat in the library with Mulciber, Malfoy (who I met before) and Narcisa. They were arguing about some potion exercise they couldn't understand. Malfoy was older than them, and he was trying to explain, but even he couldn't do that.

"Damn it! I don't like potions! I prefer charms! Why do I have to learn this shit?" said Bella. Even being a young girl, she knew lot of not appropriated words in her vocabulary. "To save your life" I said. All of them looked at my face "Let's say that your friend drinks buttered beer with poison, you are next to him and he paralyzes and faint. If you could take anything to save his life, what would it be?" "I have no idea. If he drank it already, he is gonna die" said Bella with her strident voice.

"No if you use _bezoar_. It is intoxicating, and may clean his organism for few hours. Of course, he would need more cares, but you released him from death" All of them looked with eyes wide opened "Talk more about this, _bezoar_ thing. Is it an antidote?" said Malfoy inviting me to sit next to him. "Yes, it is a kind of it. You find it easily inside a goat's stomach…"

The conversation took some hours, while I explained them a lot of things they should have learned in the classes. "Hey, Snape, I own Professor Slughorn a paper about antidotes… You could do it for me?" I frowned "I don't know... I have my own things to do" so, Malfoy said "I can pay you for that. And if you do a good work, I assure you I can divulgate it. Tell me your price."

The future Death Eaters were common students in the beginning. They always emphasized the importance of my payment; they didn't like to own favors. By the way, any Slytherin I know like to own favors. And when we are talking about a boy victim of bullying, well, let's say that they divided very well what was business and what was friendship. They were never my "friends". At least in the beginning. But they always treated me like an equal, no more, and yet, no less.

Somehow, they were like Lily. They didn't see me as anything. I was important for them, even if just to do their homework, but I was. And for a nobody like me, any kind of warm affection would be great. This fact doesn't justify my attitudes, but helps to explain them.

I knew, and as a Professor I did, that doing homework for them was not right. But I could buy new shoes, and I paid an excursion to Hogesmead. I both new advanced books, and I both new clothes too. I bought for Lily a box of chocolate frogs, because I knew she loved them, and she collected the cards. Very sweet and very understandable.

VI


	2. Chapter 7 to 9

VII

James Potter was the new sensation of Hogwarts. By the third year, he joined the Qudditch team, and by the third year, he had all the girls by his feet. Many said I was envy of his… skills to sports. That is a lie. I never cared much about Potter. I just wanted to live my life without being exposed as an abomination. If I wanted so, I would stay at home, my father could do so.

Even being obligated to deal with that disgusting boy, I still had the opportunity to be with Lily some afternoon, under the whomping willow. We used to sit under that tree, just like our old park in Cokeworth, and talk. Sometimes, she asked me to read something for her "You have a story teller voice, Sev"

Especially in spring afternoons, her green eyes were so deep that if you didn't sit down, you could fall. "Sev, why are you reading this? It's the fifth year book!" "It is really simple Lily. I think it is very easy, that is why I read it" "I think you are a genius, prince" _And I think you should marry me…_ "I am not. I should have some academic skill" She laughed "And also I need to read this article. You know, Mulciber…" "Oh, Sev they are really sinister. This friends of yours" "What? No, they are... Not my friends." "Well, but I see you walking around with them. And that Bella, I heard she is easier than a hands shaking…" For a minute, it passed by my mind she could be jealous. But that couldn't be.

"No Lily. I don't know about it. Sometimes I do something for them, but that is all. If they were my friends they would defend me from Potter. And talking about strange friends, I know that Potter is every often trying to please you… And that other strange boy, Black" "They are both arrogant. To please me he would have to die and rebirth"

Suddenly, my feather started to levitate from my hand. I tried to take it but I couldn't. It drew on my face a moustache, and then I could hear very far, behind the bushes "Now you look better, Snivillus" "Really, Potter? A first year spell? Stop it!" Lily screamed "Why do you care about Snivillus?" he asked back. "Yes, is he you boyfriend Lily?" asked Petgrew. But he received a punch on the right arm "Of course not, you idiot" exclaimed James "Hey, Evans, let's do a deal: sit next to me today and I don't bother him for a year!" But the feather started to dance around her head. I was sure it was going to draw her too, but Lily was pretty smart. She took her want and screamed "_Lacarno Inflamaro_". The feather burned and she said "You'd better run, my wand keeps hot" "You wouldn't…" Before finishing the phrase, a jet of fire ran in their directions.

"Oh, poor thing. Are you injured?" she asked "No" "Let me clean it for you?" I nodded. She took a tissue and a bottle of water and softly, and a summer breeze, she started to clean my face, in circles movements. "Why are you always so good to me Lily?" I asked, almost in tears. "Because there is a strange light inside of you. You are good Severus. You are able to do amazing things" She was so close to me, that I could feel her fresh breath touching my skin. "And you are a great friend for me. You would never hurt me, would you?" "No, never" "That's why I protect you so. Do you remember when Tunia asked me a freak? You stood up for me. Since that day, 'till my last living day, I swear I will always stand up for you" she said holding my hands. I couldn't resist that moment, and I hugged her "I love you, Sev. I really do, my friend"

I wish I could open my mouth and say_ 'Hey, beautiful girl, I am crazy for you, I really love you, marry me!'_ But I couldn't.

VIII

"Snape, do you remember that paper…?" "Yes, Mulciber, it's here" "Thank you very much" Mulciber paid for the paper and turned around. But then he came back and asked "Snape, do you mind if I… ask you something?" "No, go head" "Why do you walk around with Lily Evans?" "Because she is nice to me" "But she is not your level" I stared at him "What do you mean?" "You are Slytherin, she is Gryffindor. And she is a muggle-born…" "Are you trying to insult Evans?" "No, but yes. C'mon Snape, you understand what I mean" "No I don't. And I am half-blood, if you don't know" "Yes, but it is not your fault. My father says that it is your mother's fault. And you are the second wizard who joined Slytherin being a half-blood. Do you know who is the first, right?" I felt a chill "Yes, I do"

"So, Snape, you are special for some reason. All our Slytherians friends are glad to have a genius like you between us. The only reason why we don't… Hang out with you, is because of her" "So I will keep alone" "Well, it is your decision"

I had to lock in the restroom to cry. It was so… absurd what they proposed. Beyond the word. Then, I imagined Lily running to my arms. I imagined how sweet that would be to hold her, to kiss her, to feel that soft warm body against me. To trip her dress, and she wouldn't even realize that. To hold her hair, so red and so soft. To touch her, to feel her, to fill her, to love her. Forever. All the sensations a love night can provide us, I couldn't imagine them.

This things boys do in the restroom… But that made me think about other thing: does she touch herself too?

With that mental imagine, I exploded in a violent orgasm. I felt ashamed. _Do all the boys do this? _I thought. Maybe not.

I loved her so, but what chances did I have? I was gaining some money doing some homework, but that could not give her everything that the Evans gave. I wasn't going to live in a poor house. Not with her. I wanted a good house, without holes in the ceiling and with a fireplace, like in her house. I wanted a beautiful garden where our kids could bloom the flowers like she did once. And I wanted a big library, to fill with her favorite story books.

To do all that, I needed money. To have money, I have to have a good job. To have a good job, I had to study a lot. That explains why I studied so very hard, and the answer of all the questions about me can be answered with a three words, and I draw them on the air with my wand_: Lily Evans Snape._

That shining golden words made me happy smile and cry.

IX

When I returned to Slytherin tour, I saw Narcisa, Bella and Malfoy whispering. I tried to follow to the room, but I was called. _I swear if you pronounce any insult against her, I will cruccio you all,_ I thought.

Bella had big rounded eyes and full lips. She wasn't attractive in my very personal opinion, but her lips were very beautiful. "Snape, we are really impressed with you. We really, really are" "Thanks, I think" Narcisa smiled "Don't thank now, wait for our invitation" "Yes, I told my father about your amazing academic skills. Of course, I didn't tell him you do our homeworks. But he is really interested about you. He wants to meet you. He and a friend of his…" "But we can't go out the school…" "Tell me if you want to go. My father takes care about the rules…"

I nodded. Maybe it could be great to know other wizards, and if he had any interest about me, why do not give him a chance?

Later that day, I met Lily at school. "Hey, Sev, what are you going to do on the weekend?" "I am going to Malfoy's" She opened her eyes wide "Really?" "Yes, he invited me, and he is a good mate…" "Oh, right… I was going to invite you out too…" "Hey Evans, I am free!" Potter shouted. "I am fine by myself, thanks. See you Sev…"

The Malfoy's house was big, and very rich. Mister Malfoy was a very wealthy man, and also very polite. Lucius gave me a brooch in a Snake's shape. "It is a gift. I hope you like it. And if they ask anything about your dad… Well, you know…" "Don't worry Malfoy, I know they don't like muggles or... Half-Bloods" "No, no. We have anything against half-bloods. We have many things against a wizard who marries with a muggle…"

I saw a man with short blond hair, almost white, and he had Lucius same gray eyes. "Hello, Lucius. And you, the young boy with the Slytherin symbol must be Snape. Severus Snape, the half-blood" I was tremulous "Ni-nice to meet you Sir" He smiled while we walked through his house "Lucius very often talks about you. He said you… Are very smart" "It is what he says, sir. I just like to read and to study" "And why, my young boy?" "Well, I think knowledge is very important, and if you want to have a good future you must study…" "That is very true, but let me teach you something: It is useless be intelligent and don't be smart. You must have some malice to deal with the world…" "And how can I get some malice?" "By your choices. You must look forward and see beyond the moment. In the moment, you have much malice, Severus. You are always trying to be better and you admire who knows more than you."

We entered in the room and there was a man, with black hair and dark eyes. Tall and strong, and while with a strange smile "I want to introduce you, young Severus to the Lord"

What kind of man was called "Lord"? "Hi sir, nice to meet you" "A half-blood?" he said coldly. I wanted to cry for that. "Mylord, he is the first of his classes. He knows more than the seventh year students…" "Silence" And Mister Malfoy shut. He walked around me and I could feel his eyes analyzing me. "Very thin boy… And not very handsome. Your clothes are… Well, they are reasonable. So you are the first of your classes, oh, please, sit down in here" "It is what is said, sir…" "Call me mylord" "Mylord", I corrected fast. "What is your favorite subject at school, my young boy?" "I like potions and… Defense against dark arts" He wasn't very pleased with my answer. "Have you ever being introduced to dark arts?" "No, mylord" "So why do you defend yourself from them? Because people say they are wrong?" "I am sorry, mylord, I didn't wanted to…" "But, you know what, young boy? When I was your age I also like Defense against dark arts, and potions as well"

I smiled and he said "I am going to tell you a secret about my father: he was a muggle, just like yours. I hated him. What do you think of your father?" "He is bad with me and my mother. He hits us and he doesn't like magic. I don't like him much" "Yes, you are very similar with me, excepted by one thing: you are a good boy Severus. I never was" and he smiled. We talked for some more and just then I realized that the Malfoy's weren't there anymore. Then he said "Well young boy, I have a challenge for you, and you'd better accept or I tell everybody you do your friends homework for money" "How do you know? Oh, please don't tell anybody!" "Calm down, young Severus. Just tell me before I introduce you your challenge; why do you do this for money?" I thought, because I knew my answer should be very smart "Because I want to have power" "A true slytherian", he said with a yellow smile.

"Well, young boy, you like potions, you said? Right, so I want you to do a potion for me. If you do it properly, I can give you a great reward in money. I want you to create a polyjuice potion for me. Here you have all the ingredients that are necessary. Finish it before supper time. Understand?" I nodded. Although I never did it before, I knew how to do it. I read it somewhere.

As promised, before supper time I had finished the potion. The Lord approached and smelled that. "It smells horrible. It must be well done", and then he drank. In few minutes his face started to change. His hair became longer and blond and his dark eyes became gray. "Bring me a mirror, Malfoy" He took the mirror and check himself. "I am a perfect twin of you, my old Malfoy. But I must say that I am much beautiful in my own shapes" they laughed. "Very well, Snape boy, you are really a good boy. I must leave now, but, my old friend will shelter you and care of you as his own son. And give him his reward. Hope to see you soon, young Severus"

After supper, that was superb, I slept in Lucius room. "Lucius, can I ask you something?" "Yes, but fast I want to sleep" he said in a smile "What is the Lord's true name?" Lucius stood up and looked directly at me "We are not allowed to say his name. But I can write it. Don't say loud ok?" He took a pen and a paper and there he wrote _Tom Riddle. _He jumped a line and wrote again _Voldemort._


	3. Chapter 10 to 12

X

I kept doing some potions to the Dark Lord. He paid very well and I was just a kid. He was also very gentle to me. Sometimes he sent me gifts or a letter, and Lucius always said "He just does it for special ones. You may be very special Severus"

Lily never knew I had contact with him, and I never told her about it. In my mind, he wanted some service of mine because he was a half-blood too. I never knew what his plans were. I never knew what he could do. He was cold, and I knew he wanted to purify the world (such a nazi thought), but I knew so many stupid political ideas which never worked, why would his plan work?

Lily was resisting Potter in such a way that make girls crazy. Everybody loved the Quidditch player, expect Lily. He was always trying to show off and call her attention to himself. "Why don't you give me a chance?" "You are not worth it" "C'mon Evans, all this show because of Snivillus?" "His name is Snape. And no, it is not because of him. I don't have any kind of attraction for you. You don't please me" He took her by the arm and asked "So tell me, what do you want from me? Ask, and I will give you everything" "You can't give me anything, because I don't want anything from you. When someone pleases me, it pleases me because of what they are" "This is such a girly thing…" "So what? I am a girl. And no muscles, or Quidditch games, or appearance and popularity status may please me more than a good, kind heart. And you Potter, never in your life showed to have one. I wonder every time I watch a Quidditch game how can you belong to Gryffindor? You are much more Slytherin than Snape is. Sorry, Potter, but a heart is not bought. And also affections. They are conquered"

It was a kind of an arguing between them by the fourth year. After that, I had my books stolen by Potter three times, and he turned me upside down, when Lily wasn't nearby.

By the fourth year, students are filled up with hormones and crazy for dates, kisses and sex. I was an ordinary kid, and I also wanted too. So I decided I was going to tell her. I didn't know how, but I was going to. I wrote her a letter, and I was going to deliver it personally. I didn't want anyone to read it, to see it. Just her. I put it in a pink envelop I followed to the Gryffindor's tour. I daydreamt about her, about our house on the heights and the library, and I felt it escaping from my hands "Well, well, well. What do we have here?" James asked sarcastically. "From Snivillus to Lily. So you are trying to have my girl?" "She is not an object to belong to you" I replied. "You think you are very smart, right? Well, I won't try to stop you. Go ahead and put your letter in an owl and send her. You will be destroyed when she says she wants you not"

That words made me afraid and I decided do not send the letter yet. I was going to wait a little more and be sure she wasn't going to hurt me.

Later that day, all the students were together eating and an owl arrived to Lily. A pink envelop. I touched my pockets and I felt my letter. Whatever James has done, I could deny. He stood up and took the letter from her hands "Hey, Potter give it back!" I ran by her side "Look, people, Snivillus finally declared for her!" Everybody laughed, Lily looked my face and I shook my head "I don't know what he is talking about" "C'mon Sniv, let the world know that you very often touch yourself thinking about her. Let the world know" He took his wand and transformed the letter into a Howler, a talking letter which started to float on the air. A very familiar voice started to talk: "Dear sister, please sit down because I don't have good news. You must leave Hogwarts and come back home immediately. Mom and dad, they… (the letter started to cry) They died last night in a crush. Please, darling, come back home"

I almost didn't realized when Lily failed in my arms. She was cold and her lips color had disappeared "What have you done? What did you do with her?" I screamed while I cried with Lily on my arms "Why with her? Why with her?" Potter was astonished. I could swear he was about to cry "I never… I…" "Be gone before I kill you! Lily, please wake! Please, please princess wake!"

When Lily finally opened her eyes she began to cry. I never saw her crying, just that day when we were kids. And that hurt me. That hurt everybody. That hurt James too. Lily was almost an angel, she never hurt anybody. She was always there to help and to give her shoulder. In the muggles world, offend Lily was like offend a saint. "Sev, please say this is not true Sev, please, please!" I took her, and looked one more time to Potter. "I am here for you, Lily. And I will always stand up for you" I turned back and took her to the infirmary, where she stayed for five days.

I was there, asking Madam Ponfrey when she was going to be ok. I was there, to hold her hands when I was allowed to enter. And once I visited her at night. She was feverish, and she never ate. When I was there, she ate a little, but it wasn't enough.

I looked for Potter, I had to make him pay for that. I had to make him suffer for everything he was causing her. "Potter!" When he looked back I punched his nose. His friends tried to help him but I took my wand and screamed "_Stupefy"_ Then I took Potter by his neck "Hurt her once more, and I swear I am going to burn your body!" "I didn't…" "I don't care what your intentions are, motherfucker! I don't care what you think! She is sick! She barely eats and it is your entire fault! Call _me_ Snivillus! Turn _me_ upside down and show _my_ underwear in front of everybody! Bully _me,_ I don't care. But never, ever hurt her again, _did you understand_?" I screamed.

I throw Potter on the floor, like a paper or rubbish and followed back to Slytherin's restroom. There, I close and cried, cried and cried. I took the letter from my pocked "_Lacarno Inflamaro_"

XI

I wrote Petunia about Lily, explaining why she couldn't leave school. She asked Dumbledore to visit her sister, and I had to grab take her on the Station.

Petunia Evans was black haired with black eyes. She was very beautiful, but not as much as her sister. She never liked me but I was caring of her sister, so she hugged me. "Where is she?" "She is in the infirmary, I take you there. Try to make her eat something…"

Petunia was enchanted with Hogwarts, (she always wanted to be a witch), and believe it or not, she knew how to be sweet. When she saw Lily, she started to cry "Oh, darling…" "Tunia…" Lily whispered "Yes, I am here. The question is, why are _you_ here?" "Is it true Tunia? About them?" "Yes, Lily. They are gone. It was very fast, they didn't feel pain. They are in a better place now" "I will miss them so much… I want them back… Magic can't bring them back for me Tunia, I can't have them back…" "But you will always do have them. Inside of you. You have more of mother's kindness than anyone in the family. You have papa's eyes. You have their values. They are gone, but they still remain in us, darling"

It was a very touching conversation, but Lily was still sad. James appeared there once, with flowers and chocolates. I took my wand and stood up "What are you doing here?" "Calm down, Snape. I just want to apologize_" Did he called me by my name?_ Yes he did. Lily asked me to put the wand down and so I did. I left and hide behind a wall "Evans, I know you probably hate me now, but I am really sorry. For everything" "Is it all you have to say? Sorry?" "I am not good with this. And I don't know how to survive if you don't forgive me. I don't care if you no longer talk to me, I really don't deserve it. Not now, I never deserved you to glance at me at least. But, please Evans, forgive me. Without your forgiveness, I can't sleep. I can't eat. I just think how stupid I was, and just because I was jealous of Sniv- Snape. I like you; it is not a secret for you or for anybody. Anyone in this school deserves some pain, but not you. Not you Lily. And that's why I can't…" he seemed to be crying "When I saw you on the floor, pale, I just thought 'Oh my God! Tomorrow is not going to be another day if I don't see her eyes' You are the kindest person I've ever met. You seem to be sent directly from Heaven to us here on Earth…"

"You are sorry Potter" she said in a smile. _WHAT?_ I wondered. "But more than it, you taught me something: You feel pain, you feel agony. You can't sleep if you're in debt with someone. And you are brave enough to kneel and ask for forgiveness. _You,_ James Potter, you do have a heart"

I left in a crazy anger. "_Oh my God! Tomorrow is not going to be another day if I don't see her eyes" _… That was the best he could do?

But inside of me I wondered: Could I do better than him? No.

XII

Lily left the infirmary, and with time she got really better. The whole school was now trying to please her, expect my friends. "Who cares about her? Just because she is nerd and a little bit harder, it doesn't make of her so much" "What are you talking about?" I asked "Evans, your friend. You know what Snape, I know why she is so desired" she came close to my ear and she said "She never had sex" I laughed "So?" "C'mon, Sev. You are a man. Everybody loves virgins. I remember when I was one…" _So long ago _"You are not more than fourteen" "And Lucius was not more than fourteen too" I opened my eyes "You and Lucius…" "You didn't know? Oh, Sev, you should stop reading a little and start listening to gossips" she laughed "But I thought Narcisa and Lucius…" "Narcisa is much respectable to do so… She is a serious girl, this sister of mine…" I looked back to my book "And you Sev? Have you ever being with a girl?"

I knew my answer should be intelligent "Why? If I had not, you would be the first?" She rolled her eyes and touched my thigh with her feet. "Why not?" I looked her again. She was sat in front of me, and our books were on the table. "Are you serious?" She looked me and touched with her toe a little more in the middle. "Why would I be joking? They said you are his favorite. You must have something that I can't see" Then she finally achieved what she was looking for. "Oh, I can't see, but I can feel. Severus are you holding all this for who?" "Whatever you are going to do, you can't do it in here" "Girls restroom. I will be waiting"

I didn't want to do that. I wanted Lily. Bella was… Bella. But, I couldn't be with Lily without any previous skill. She didn't have to know about. I could make mistakes with Bella, but not with Lily. And that is why I entered the girl's restroom. Bella kissed me, and she tasted like cherish. We entered in a cabinet and I sat. Bella wasn't beautiful, actually she didn't have the kind of beauty I liked, but she had really beautiful full lips.

She fitted herself on me, and I heard a soft moan. I definitively didn't want to be touching that dark thick hair. I imagined Lily again, imagined her skin against mine, so white and so soft. I imagined her face smiling, and saying that she loved me very much. It was her on me, not Bella. I imagined her moan, and it wasn't like Bella's. It was, purer. It was sincere. I imagined her catching her breath. "Severus" she would say.

When it ended, we both laughed. It is strange, because I never saw Bellatrix laughing before. "You… are a good boy"


	4. Chapter 13 to 14

XIII

"Sev, is it true?" she asked in a smile. "What, Lily?" "What Bella is saying…?" "And what is she saying?" "She says that… You and she, you two, you… In the restroom…" Lily was very shy to talk about these things. But unfortunately no more than I was. I felt my cheeks burning. I couldn't answer, and she covered her mouth with her hand "No!" "What?" "It is true!" I gasped "What? No, no… Are you crazy? How can you know?" "Sev, you are my best friend. I know you very well! I can't believe it!" She was kidding because she knew I was ashamed "Look, it happened ok, it is not a reason to… I…" "You don't own me explanations, Sev. I just thought you were going to tell me. Tell me what happened?" "Are you insane, right Lily Evans? No, I won't…" "Oh, Sev, please" she asked joining hands. "Don't ask 'Sev, please' with these two green eyes of yours staring at me…"

"You are very boring", she said lying on the grass "Why do you want to know?" "Because I never did it before" I felt a strange excitation seizing control of me. "What make you think that I know much more than you?" She rolled to face me. Even after all those years, I wasn't habituated with her eyes so suddenly watching me. "Because you do" "Never mind, I won't tell you" "You could teach me, so…"

"WHAT?" I exclaimed. She turned rosy "No, no… Not that. You know Sev, I never kissed a boy before…" God, was that really happening? "I was thinking, you are my friend right? You could teach me how…"

I closed my book, for a while and I touched her hand "Lily, I won't kiss you because I am your friend. This is not how you must feel for a person to kiss her or him. Kisses happen when you feel something else. And when you kiss someone, you are going to kiss the gentlest man in the world, and he won't care if you don't have experience, because he loves you so to care about it. Do you understand that?" She nodded, and I came back to my book. _WHAT ARE YOU THINKING SEVERUS SNAPE? 'HE IS NOT GOING TO CARE…' FUCK! THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY AND YOU THROW IT AWAY? FUCK!_

"A gentle man you said?" Lily said putting my book down and approaching "The gentlest man in the world, brave enough to defend me, and he won't care if I had never kissed before, because…" she sat of my lap and caressed my face "he loves me so?" "That's what I said" "Has he to be a prince, then?" "To kiss you, yes" She smiled and whispered in my ear "You are describing yourself" Than she touched my lips with hers. _Goody, goody, goody._ I wanted to jump a thousand times, I wanted to make sweet love with her, and I wanted… that moment to be eternal.

She tasted like vanilla, and she was so soft, so lady. But the best part was the opening eyes moment. After that breathless moment, to have the opportunity to see those emeralds, happy, deep and green so close. I could be turned upside down three hundred times, I wouldn't care. "Am I better than Bella?" "You are unique, Lily. In everything" I said touching her thin red hair.

After that, I spent three hours in the boy's restroom. Lily, she could make me loose all my powers.

XIV

By the fifth year, my relationship with the Dark Lord grew. I always did something for him, and I knew Lucius had become a Death Eater. The question now was: when I was going to become one too. Lucius already had his dark mark. Bella used to draw one. I really didn't want to make part of that.

Their prejudice with Lily grew stronger every day. I had to deal with their questions, and impose a limit between us was very difficult: they wanted to be with me, because I was his favorite.

After the kiss, I started to spy Lily sometimes. Blame on me for that, but I needed to be closer. Our relationship kept being a friendship, no more than it. But I had the opportunity to watch her bathing once. I didn't see what I wanted, but I knew she was naked. It was full moon. She was alone in the bathroom, and she heard some noise. She jumped off and put her clothes on. She looked through the window and she saw Remus, Potter and Black running. "Is he injured?" she whispered. Lily ran, out of school. She never broke any rule and that freaked me out.

She was near the whomping willow "Hello? Is anybody in there?" she asked with her wand on her hand. Then an enormous creature appeared. It was a werewolf. Lily felt on the floor and started to scream. Before I could do anything, a stag appeared and pushed him. A black dog also appeared and seemed to protect Lily somehow. "What?" I asked. The werewolf ran to the forest and the black dog followed.

The stag came near her, and all of sudden he turned into James Potter. Naked. "Are you all right?" he asked catching his breath. Lily looked frightened to him "It's me, James. Don't be afraid." "Are… you…" "Naked, yes. Hope you liked what you saw" he said laughing. "Swine" I thought. "No, not that. That too, but are you an animagus?" She asked covering her face. She gave him her back to avoid any kind of view "Yes, me and Black and Petegrew. Black is a dog, and Petegrew is a rat, so be careful if you see any" "And Lupin?" There was a silence "No" I thought.

"Accio trousers" James said. A pair of black trousers flew into James direction. When he dressed he touched Lily's arm and he said "You must never tell anyone about it. When the moon is full we try to stop him. We are always by his side…" "Are you telling me that you put your life and health in risk for him? Do you know what happens if he bites you?" James seemed sad "Yes, I do" "Why? Why do you do that?" he took a deep breath and he said "He is my friend, Lily. It's hard for him, it is very painful, and he can't control… But we don't leave him alone. Never"

Lily was crying "Are you hurt? Why are you crying?" "You are able to scarify your life for him, Heartless Potter. I am sorry, but I never thought…" "What, never thought I was brave or sensitive? I am not that bad… Evans" She touched his hand "No you are positively not…"

Lupin was climbing the hill. He was terrible. "You look like someone who needs hot chocolate. All of you" Lily said. She took Lupin by his hand and they followed to the kitchen. Lupin didn't say a word, although Potter and Black didn't shut up.

There, Lily prepared four mugs of hot chocolate. "Did you know what is the best remedy after a Dementer attack? Chocolate." "Really?" Black said "Yes. It is because chocolate can make people happy" "Are you a chocolate, Evans?" That Potter… Lupin was destroyed and he was there provoking Lily. When she finished she took her wand. A pink smoke flouted from her want to the mugs. "This is a spell I learnt. It makes the chocolate mix with the flavor of your favorite fruit or tea herb. Mine always has a mint taste" "I am sorry Lily, but to a monster like me, it may not work" Lupin said pushing the mug. "Give me your hand. I want to read it. Trelawney says that I am almost better than she is. C'mon, give it!" Lily opened his hand and started to analyze "You have a long life line, and you are a bit arrogant, but it is all because of your influences… You are very kind and detest ungrateful people… Funny thing this…" "What?" Lupin asked "I can't see any monster line. Not even one" She smiled and took her mug. "Good night people, I hope you enjoy your chocolate"

"She is an angel, isn't she?" Potter asked Black. "Is she fucking real?" "Very much" Black said while he enjoyed his chocolate. Lupin stared at his hand, he drank a bit and he said "Tastes like… Strawberry"…


	5. Chapter 15 to 16

XV

After that day with Lupin, Potter and Lily were always talking. Lily loved kind people, and now James had proved he was kind and brave. There was a fire, a light, something between them, and I couldn't figure that out. Maybe it was love. Maybe she really loved him. Maybe we were not born to each other…

That weekend I was going to Lucius' again. There I met many Death Eaters, and they always treated me gently. He was there too, the dark lord. He greeted me "Severus, my wonder boy!" he said kissing my cheeks "I was expecting you! You know Severus, all the potions you made, everything that you did for me, they were very useful" "You're welcome" "Do you have something new for me?" "Actually, I have two new things. I created two spells this year" The Lord looked flabbergasted "Did you? Well, I think you must have a volunteer to show them for me" "But they hurt… I wouldn't hurt Mister Malfoy after everything he did…" "A grateful boy. That is something rare nowadays. But you don't have to worry…" he said taking his wand and opeing a door "This volunteer is crazy to help us" There was a woman; she was on a chair, gagged. She didn't wear clothes, and she was very much injured. I remember her blonde hair and blue eyes. She was so very beautiful. "Let me introduce her, she is not… Able to that now" he said pointing her mouth "This young woman, Severus, is Anne Mccoling. She is a muggle-born…" I think I remembered her face. She was older than me and studied at Hogwarts too "She is a mudblood, of course, she is exactly the kind of thing that turns our world dirty. You don't have to worry about her, use her if it pleases you. I am going to call my friends to watch your performance, hold on please"

He left the room and I ran to her, I took the cloth from her mouth and she said "Are you one too?" "No I am not. Are you ok?" "What do you think? They raped me! They hit me! Please, please, help me, please Severus!" Something in her eyes made me remember Lily. Maybe because she was as angelical as Lily was. "I will, but I need to do what I am here for first. It will hurt a bit, but I will take you from here!" She nodded and the door opened.

"So my young boy, when you feel comfortable", he said. "_Levicorpus_" they clapped their hands "This one I created for a Gryffindor student, who bothers me a lot" "Well done" "This is spell is better when the victim is running, because it takes him or her by the ankle, so the victim's body hits on the floor before turning upside down on the air" "Bravo" Lucius said.

Then I turned back at her. She was crying, and I felt the worst person in the world. _"Sectumsempra_" a thing line of blood appeared under her breast, and a single drop rolled down her body. She screamed "Please, stop it!" "This one is like a sword" I started imagining Lily on that chair. It could be her. Lily was a muggle-born too. I saw her green eyes staring at me painfully. "An invisible sword. It attacks your enemy, injuring him, where you want…" I couldn't go ahead. They clapped even more and the Dark Lord asked me "Do it again! On her face!" I cried "_Sectumsempra_" On her face, on her arms, on her legs, on her back, anywhere they asked me. Her body was covered with blood and injuries, some deep, some large. She was tremulous. "Please, can I take care of her now?" I meant heal her injuries, but he didn't understand that "I am sure you could do so, my young boy, but you are just sixteen. When you became an adult, I promise you, I will let you do it" He said standing up. He positioned by my side and put his hand on my shoulder. "Here, Severus, put your hand upon mine" He pointed his wand into her direction. She was there staring at me, and I saw Lily inside her eyes. He whispered "_Avada Kedavra_" A green flashing light ran into her. It was fast. I knew what that meant. I knew she was dead. And my hand was upon his. I did that too.

XVI

That day, I didn't sleep. I kept thinking about her, Anne. And how stupid I was for having done that to her. I felt miserable, I felt… No longer human.

How could he sleep after something like that? Who said she was a waste? They raped her. That poor thing. She was as frightened as I was. And it could be Lily in her place. They could do that to Lily. They could harm her, rape her, and then kill her was she was nothing. In God's name, I wanted to kill the motherfucker who said that differences are evil. If she had magical blood, she was special. Even if she was a muggle, she was special. The fact that you life, you breathe, it makes you special.

But I didn't feel special that day. Not at all. "My young boy, you are sixteen already. I cannot believe how fast time passed. With your age, Lucius became one of mine too. I want you to become one. I can take care of you, my young child, I will protect you always, and I will give you everything you want"

Accepting that was accept that all the muggles and muggle-borns deserved to die. Including Lily Evans. "I am not sure… I…" "You take your time. I won't hurry you, boy, I just made an invitation. Answer when you are prepared"

I was sure I didn't want to be part of that. I wasn't that. That gave me straight to tell my feelings to Lily. We were sixteen already, and I knew I would have money enough to give her everything she wanted. I remember that day, it was December. It was snowy and the Christmas feeling was filling every heart, including mine. I bought her a ring. A white golden one, with a single sparkle emerald, green as her eyes. I was going to tell her, yes, I was. I choose Hogsmeade, all the school was going there. Lily loved Hogsmeade.

But there I saw something. There I saw what changed everything. Lily was walking alone and a rose floated in her direction. She took it, and in the stalk there was a paper. "Meet me near the lake, J.P"

And there she went. She surprised him with a snow ball, and they started to play like kids "I surrender!" he screamed. Lily was laughing and running. That laugh was mine, she just laughed that way with me. They sat on the snow and she said "I would love a hot chocolate now" he sat closer "And I would love to kiss you…" She turned her face. "I…" He touched her chin and gently he pushed to look her.

He caressed her cheeks and outlined a smile "Do you remember the first time we met? When I saw your eyes I knew that there was something about you… Something special. And you really are Lily. You are sweet and kind, you are amazing. And I can see it in your eyes, you are not ordinary. And your eyes Lily, they are like a gateway to another dimension. It is like jump in the sea, you just don't know what expects you in there, but it is so beautiful that you want to take the risk…"

"I…" she whispered when he tried to kiss her. He put his hand on her nape and the other on her waist. "If you say you don't feel the same way I do, I stop. But you have to say…" She was breathless. She did feel something for him. Before I could blink, he kissed her. I felt a long pain in my heart; I knelt behind that tree and held the ring. "Why?" I asked in my mind. I ran, ran as fast I could and threw the ring on the lake. I was furious, I was angry, I was… My heart was broken. Crying, I met him. I saw him in the eyes, and he could see the anger inside of me "I want it now. I want to be a Death Eater!" I showed my arm, he smiled and touched his wand on it. An unbearable pain invaded me. My arm was in fire, and my last thought was Lily, running for me in that park we left behind.


	6. Chapter 17

XVII

"Stop touching it! It's like a tattoo" said Bella. But she was more excited with that than me. "I can't wait to have one too. Severus, it's so beautiful!" Fuck Bella. Fuck Potter. Fuck Voldemort. Fuck everybody. I no longer cared. That mark took away from me all my feelings. I wasn't a good boy anymore. I wasn't Severus Snape. I wasn't the Half-Blood prince. I was a Death Eater.

That day, I went again to the Whompiling Willow, to read a bit. I just wanted to forget everything, especially that pain in my arm. To my absolutely surprise, Potter was there too. Motherfucker, I thought. He was the responsible for all that. He took her away from me, that stupid Quidditch player. That stupid untidy hair, that stupid hazel eyes, that stupid motherfucker. How I hated him.

"Hello, Snivillus" he said "Fuck you" I said turning back. Before I could notice, something grabbed my foot. _"Levicorpus_" I was on the air. "You'd better stop it, Potter. I mean it" "Let's see his underwear?" I took my wand and before I could notice, that angry filled me completely. They were all mudbloods, they all deserved to die! "_Sectumsempra"_ Potter felt on the floor, just like me. He had a long thin injury on his cheek. He was pretty angry. "_Estuporo_" he screamed, and I felt on the floor. "Stop! Stop!" I heard a voice far away. "Why are you doing it?" I didn't see the face, I didn't recognize that voice. I didn't want that person pity. The person tried to help me, and then I pushed her and said "Don't touch me, mudblood! I don't need your pity!"

A silence hovered on the air. I didn't hear James' laugh anymore. I turned to face the person who helped me. It was Lily. "Lily, I…" She gave a step behind. I remembered that day in the park when I taught her that word: _"Ok Lily. I am going to tell you the worst name you can call a wizard. It is so bad, but so bad that a wizard may kill you if you dare…_"

Her eyes had now an expression I couldn't figure out. Pain. I never saw that expression before. Not at me. She started to cry; she covered her face with her hands and ran away. "It's hard to believe that she didn't accept to be my girlfriend because of you…" James said.

I ran before her "Lily, please, listen! I didn't…" "What Severus? It slipped away? So, that's what you thought of me all this time?" she said pushing me. She was crying so much. She was tremulous "Please, you have to forgive me" "I will, if you tell me you are not one of them. Tell me you are not a Death Eater like Lucius and Mulciber! Everyone knows, Bella told!" I was speechless. "Tell me you are not!" she screamed. I raised my left arm, and pushed my sleeve up. She stared at that and I thought she was going to fail. "I just did it because I saw you and…" "Do you know what it means? It means that you agree if he tries to kill me. Because I am not pure-blood! Because I am a muggle-born! It means that you never felt for me in the same way I do for you. Better, the same way I did. You choose your way, Sev. Now I am choosing mine!" and she went to the girls' restroom.

There, Lily cut her wrist three times. Not enough to die, but enough to faint. I didn't found her in the restroom, covered with tears and blood. James did. He was worried about her, and decided to enter, followed by, Sirius and Remus. "Lily? Are you ok?" "James, is that blood?" Sirus asked. They tried to open the door, and then James pointed his want to the door and screamed _"Alohomora_". She was there, fragile and helpless. "Oh my God! Lily, please talk to me! Remus!" Remus took his wand and her injuries disappeared. She opened her eyes "James?" "Yes, darling it is me. We are going to take care of you. We are going to prepare hot chocolate, right?" Sirius agreed.

He took her in his arms and they followed to Gryffindor's tower. "What are you staring, golfies?" Sirius screamed when he saw Bella and other Slytherin students "Fuck you all, bastards! Suck me!" "Stop it, Sirius, we have a lady with us" Remus said "She is the lady, not me…"

He was just trying to make her smile, but she wouldn't. Not that day. It was raining. When she was sad, the weather changed. "Here you are, a mug with hot chocolate!" James said. He was electrical, he would do anything for her, anything to see her fine. "I don't feel like drinking" she said in tears "He was my best friend in the world, and now… It's like he could stab my heart. He knows me more than I do… Maybe he is right. Maybe I am a mudblood" James was furious "I am going to kill him! How dare…" "Wait a second, Lily, give me your hand…" Remus said. He took her hand and touched with his finger "I see you are the kindest person in the world, and you do anything to help a friend. And you can see beauty inside a person even when the person can't see it… I can't see any mudblood line. Not even one"

Lily hugged Remus, and stopped to cry. "Thank you Remus. You are a good friend. Thank you all to make me feel better" The rain stopped and behind the cloud the sun appeared again.


	7. Chapter 18

XVIII

Lily and I never talked after that. She knew what I was, and now I accepted that. I liked to be a Death Eater; I liked to be part of that. I liked to be a bad boy. Few people may know about that, but as a Death Eater I tortured, I killed, I raped, I did all the evil things one can imagine.

That made of me one of the best, and he trusted in me. I knew his most hidden secrets and passions. I knew him. The years passed, we were no longer teenagers. The Dark Lord was in his ascension but a fact changed everything.

Once, in Hogesmeade, Albus Dumbledore entered in a pub with Sybill Trelawney. There, she pronounced the words: ""_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies ..._"

That means, the chosen to kill the Dark Lord would born in July, and he must know about it.

"Lord, please, I have important news for you", I said entering his room. "You know I don't like to be bothered late at night Severus" "It is important, it's about a prophecy!" He turned his eyes back to me, and stared angrily. "So, it is true. When Severus? When?" he asked "The end of July, Milord" "Bring me the newspaper. NOW!" He exclaimed to a servant "Very well. We will have two newborns by this time… One is Neville Longbottom, son of Alice and Frank Longbottom. The other one is Harry, son of Lily and James Potter…"

NO! NO! NO!, I thought. "Milord? It is not possible… this Potter boy..." "Severus, my young servant, you are wrong. These two aurors belonged to Gryffindor's house, am I correct? Yes, I am. And he is also a half-blood. It must be him" "Milord… What will you do?" A cockroach passed on the floor and the Dark Lord showed what he would do: "_AVADA KEDAVRA_" "Milord, he is just a boy… A baby…" He laughed "So?"

God, I had to contact someone. Someone had to do something. I had to… Dumbledore! He would listen! He would forgive, he would help!

I asked Dumbledore to meet me in the forest. Dumbledore was the same of the school years: long white beard and the half moon glasses. "I don't know what you may want with me, Severus" "Please, it is important. He knows everything…" "Because you told…" "Please, listen! He will kill her! He will kill everybody! Please!" I was crying, in total despair. "I never saw a Death Eater crying before…" Albus said "Why do you want me to help? Why should I trust you?" I rose up and I remembered the first time I saw Lily, in the park. I remembered our kiss, I remembered her eyes, and whispered "Expecto Patronum" A doe appeared, flying on the air, and Albus was flabbergasted "A patronum? You must be the only one able to do so… The only Death Eater I mean…" "I love her" I said. Albus turned and stared at me "What?" "I love her! I LOVE HER, I LOVE HER, I REALLY DO! SHE IS THE ONLY REASON I KEEP BREATHING EVERYDAY! BECAUSE DEEP INSIDE, I STILL WISH LILY TO BE MINE… I…" I couldn't bear that anymore. I knelt and Alvus approached and touched my shoulder. "Severus… I am really sorry, but it was for love that you did all the things you did?" "Can I explain? Will you listen and never tell? Can I trust you?" "Yes. And I? Can I trust you, Severus?" "If you promise hide her and protect her, you will have my loyalty. I don't care about anything, just…" "Tell me your story"

The best thing about Dumbledore is his patience. He listens and he really believed in second chances.

When I finished everything, he said "Very well, your story is very commoving. I am sure you won't betray me. And I think you deserve a second chance"

When we finished our conversation, I was very unquiet. I had to see her. I had to talk to her. I spied her house during a week, and one day, I saw James leaving. I didn't know where he was going, but that was my opportunity. I rang the bell, and she opened. "What do you want?" she asked "Five minutes of your time" I answered.

NEXT CHAPTER (AND FINAL AS WELL) ON FEBRUARY 7TH.


	8. Chapter 19 AND 20 (FINAL)

_I am really sorry for taking so long to publish new chapters. Being very honest, I didn't know how to finish it, I mean, I knew what should happen, but, put that in words was very hard. To write chapter XIX, I listened to three different songs during the writing. I think it should be great if you could listen to them while reading. The songs are on the texts, so, if it pleases you, listen to them._

_I am also sorry for my spelling mistakes. I try to correct everything before publishing, but sometimes something escapes from my eyes. I corrected many things from the previous chapters, if you want to check again =)_

_And THANK YOU SO AND VERY MUCH for reading this fic. I am really proud to know that so many people have read it, thank you, really =)_

XIX

"Why should I let you in?" she asked angrily. "You should not, but I beg you, please…" She rolled her eyes and gave me passage. I saw a young baby sleeping on a pram. "He looks like James…" I wondered. "Yes, indeed. Harry is the most beautiful thing I have…" she said while a single tear escaped from her eyes. "I could die for him. I really could…" "You won't die, Lily" "How can you know? He is after us, he is after him", she pointed to the pram. "I won't let… You don't understand…" "Hush!" she said. We went to a bedroom, I suppose their bedroom. "You didn't make your point yet Severus. What are you doing here?" she asked crossing her arms. "I just wanted to talk to you; I just wanted to apologize for everything I did… Lily…" "Apologizes can't change what happened… Dumbledore told me…" "What? What did he say?" "He said you are with us now. He said you… Regret"

I stood up to face her "I really do" "Why did you do all this, Sev?" she whispered touching my cheeks "Why did you turn to evil? Give me a reason, and I forgive you…" "Being just an ordinary student I couldn't give you a house on the hills, facing the twilight and with a garden. Being just me, I couldn't give you everything James did… Look at your house… Look at your son! You live an apple pie live, Lily…" I said caressing her hair "I was poor, and… He was the Quidditch hero… When I saw you two together… I… He could give you more than I…" She was crying "Oh, Sev…" "But there is one thing he can't change. Nobody can change it, Lily Evans" I said holding her face with my hands "I love you. I always loved, and I will always love you. Even after I die, I will always love you, Lily. That is the reason of everything. You were the only reason of everything. It was always you. Since the very first time I saw you until this moment, my heart just overflows with this passion every time I look at your eyes. I am sorry, Lily, I should have said it before, but I wouldn't bare a rejection that time. Now, I know I don't deserve you" I kissed her forehead and I walked through the door. Both of us, crying hardly. Both hearts were broken. _It is over_…

"Sev, please… Don't go now" she said "I must go" "Sev, stop, please… I need to tell you…" I walked three steps down and I heard her voice echoing "I LOVE YOU!" I stopped and looked back. She was on the top of the stair and for a second I saw the young Lily Evans "I love you. I really do. I always did. But I never knew you felt the same for me. You never said… Please, don't go… Not now…"

(Secrets – One replublic)

I ran back for her and hugged her, she kissed me tenderly. "Lily, I love you…" I kissed her cheeks, her neck, her mouth… She still had the same smell, the same sweet vanilla taste. I put my hand under her skirt feeling her soft, warm skin against my fingers. Staggering, we entered the room. I touched her breast, he bit my lip. Jesus, I was about to have sex with the woman I always desired, my whole life? "Wait… We can't… You are married… You have a kid…" "Hush…" she said touching my lips with her lips "You always worry too much. Just be quiet"

SHUT UP, IDIOT! I heard my conscience screaming at me. She started to take out my clothes. She opened my long sleeved shirt. She analyzed every little part of me, and she took a long time observing the Dark Mark on my left arm. "Oh, dear… If all my love could release you from this curse… I would do anything to take it out from you…" She said in tears "If love could heal any deep injury, I swear, my love would heal you all" Then she kissed my mark. "I love you, so…"

She laid me down, and took out her shirt. It was dark, just the moon illuminated the room. She fit so perfectly upon me, like a puzzle, she was my missing part. All I needed, all I wanted. Lily was not a woman; she was a part of me, something that one just cannot separate. She knew more about me than me. And she could see something good inside of me, even if I was blind to the fact.

Maybe this is it: love just happens. And if it does, it is just useless try to avoid, or try to run from it: it will find you. It will make you surrender flesh and bone in a way you just can't avoid. We had a world between us, and it didn't mean a fucking thing. Love was greater than us. It was greater than everything.

Her moans were soft, almost inaudible. I turned and now she was laid. On the top of her, I watched her eyes, greener than ever, shining and sparkling at me. I fit myself into her again, and that moment, looking her eyes and making love with her, it was… Breathless.

In a moment, she bit her finger and closed her eyes tight. I knew what was going to happen. I always said that her eyes were the vision of paradise. Well, that face now was the vision of paradise for me. A moment when there wasn't pain, just pleasure inside of her. Pleasure and happiness. Her moan now was a little louder. All her body contracted against me, she opened her mouth to catch her breath again.

(Anya Maria – Whatever you like)

"Where did you get so skilled?" She asked laid upon my chest. I smiled "What?" she asked "I am worried" "Why?" "You are married. You have a son…" "So? I love _you_" I kissed her again. I never got tired of her mouth. "I just love kissing you…" "Really?" "Yes" "Sev, if I do something, you promise not look at me… I am shy…" "I can't promise, you are too beautiful…" "Please…" "I will try"

She disappeared under the blanket. She kissed my belly, and touched my underwear. Everything was fine, until the moment she took it off. "Lily… What are you…?" I couldn't finish the phrase. Warm, wet and indescribably _good_. I felt fully warmish. I took her thin hair on my hands, like a pony tail, and grabbed. That desire grew stronger, and that thing was seizing full control of me. She was fast, and I couldn't hold that anymore. An explosion of sensations, feelings, contractions, and an unbearable pleasure were now dancing inside of my veins.

She appeared again with her bog round eyes, smiling with a naughty face. "So…?" "You… want… to kill me…"

(Losing your memory – Ryan Star)

Even that night was great, and now I knew she loved me indeed, something made me feel bad. A young little boy was sleeping in the next room. Harry really looked like James. A very cute baby, I confess. It wasn't fair to take his mother and destroy his family. Of course, I would love to be dad, but… It was strange… He would hate me when he was old enough to understand. Lily would suffer. And in this moment, things weren't right. She had sex with other man, and she wouldn't bear it. Maybe we could be together, when it all comes over. I would tell her again about my feelings, and she would have the same reaction. She would leave him, but the circumstance would be different.

"He is handsome, isn't he?" Lily said entering the room "Harry is the greatest thing in my life" "Yes, and this is how things must be…" I pointed my wand at her "You will forget everything about tonight, Lily. We never did anything. I never came here; you never had sex with me… You don't remember you love me. You don't remember I love you. You will hide with your husband and son, far away. When it all finishes, you will come back to me… _Obliviate_"

I could see all our memories vanishing of her mind. All our moments now were flying away, being banished of her memories. I was crying "I will never forget you, I will never leave you. Even behind the shadows I will protect you, I will love you until my dying day" I said putting the ring I have bought her a long time ago on his finger "Forever, Lily Evans. When this storm passes, we will be together again…"

XX (FINAL)

Being a double agent is not easy. You must keep many secrets and be like a shadow. That day, was a different day. The sky was gray, and full of clouds. I felt a strange agony all the day long.

"Lucius, is everything ok today?" "Yes, why do you ask?" "I don't know, something seems to be strange. Where is he?" "In his room with a guest. He is there for hours…"

The Dark Lord wasn't the kind who enjoyed long conversations. But he also didn't like to the bothered. I followed back to my house, now very different from the past. It kept a dark aspect, because I liked this way, but now it was an elegant house. Very illuminated inside, the rooms were large and the furniture new. My old room now had blue walls, with many baby toys and a cradle. There was a shelf with bedtime stories. There was a big library, with walls covered with books and a large window facing the garden.

Yes, things have changed a lot here.

Still that agony was burning inside of me. I tried to read, I tried to sleep, I tried to eat. Nothing seemed to solve that. It was raining. I felt my left arm in fire, they were calling. "What?" I asked to Narcisa. "He found them. He found them, Sev! He is now going there!" "Going there where?" "Godric's Hollow, they said. There they are hiding, the Potters."

I chill ran on my back. NO! JESUS, NO! "When did he leave?" "Some ten minutes… Severus, where are you going?" I ran as fast as I could. But when I arrived, it was too late. I found the front door opened, the furniture was broken. On the stairs, James laid cold and dead. Even with our disagreements, I didn't want to see him in this way. I heard a baby crying. Please, no. Please, no. Harry was on the cradle, sat and crying. His forehead was injured, but he wasn't crying because of that. He looked astonished and in panic to a woman on the floor "NO! LILY, NO!" I took her on my arms. She was so cold, and her eyes were closed "PLEASE, PLEASE TALK TO ME LILY, PLEASE! HATE ME, LOVE ME, WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUT DON'T LEAVE ME! DON'T LEAVE ME NOW! I LOVE YOU, PLEASE, I LOVE YOU…"

I saw in my mind that smiling face, running in the park, smiling under the whomping willow, or observing me after a love night_. "You are a good boy, Sev…" "Please, Sev, please" "You are a prince and I am a princess" "You are describing yourself…" "I love you…"_ "Oh, dear… If all my love could release you from this curse… I would do anything to take it out from you…" I said kissing her forehead. "I love you Lily… I love you…" I turned back to the baby on the cradle. "Hush, baby… Everything will be ok…" I stayed there, baby sitting him and watching her until Hagrid arrived.

I remember I talked to Dumbledore after her death. He never knew about us, about what happened. He made me promise to protect the boy and I agreed. "Lily was an extraordinary witch. Did you know she was immune to Losing Memories curses? James told me that. They tried to lose her memory when she was young after your… disagreement"

At least, when she died, she could remember me once. Maybe, my name was floating on her mind. I failed at her, but I didn't to her son. My debt was paid with my death. I just asked God one more thing before dying: To see Lily's eyes once more. "Hold on, Professor, Hold on!" Harry said while I was going "Look at me…" I stared his deep green eyes. "You have your mother's eyes" I said in a smile.

I saw her once more inside his eyes. She was happy "You are a good boy, Sev!" "I am your half-blood prince"

THE END


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